Date: Sun, 16 Mar 2014 14:16:58 -0700
From: Steph Brunette <email@example.com>
Do you need loan? If yes, Apply with your name, Amount needed and duration.
It may seem somewhat redundant to spam about spam, but even redundancy has its place. Nowadays, almost every email platform known to man and mutant has built-in filters to help minimize exposure to unwanted missives. But, as with all technologies, this is generally an imperfect feature and some always slips through. The example above is an actual email I received yesterday that made it past the watchdogs.
The only remarkable thing about it is how unremarkable it truly is. No flash, no flair, no bells and whistles - hell, not even a promise to Get Laid Ten Minutes Ago!!!! The very absence of these facepalm-inducing accolades made it scream even louder to my desensitized senses. I was momentarily incapacitated by just how unnoticable the email was. Then came the facepalm...
"Holy crap, that foreigner from tech support found me!"
Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against tech support and certainly nothing against foreigners... just foreigners who do tech support. Call me racist if you want, but the only race I acknowledge is the Human Race. So if you're human, you've already lost points from the start. But I digress...
This email lacks everything needed for statistical success in mass marketing (1% of 1%). By the gods it doesn't even have actual English in an English email! Okay, that one's a gimme. I originally started this post to share my amusement at just how crappy a bit of crap I encountered was. And here we are with another Random Rant... (aside: how do you start an actual sub-forum around here? I think I found a home for my RandomRants from facebook).
The point is, this email succeeded at grabbing my attention by being devoid of every single feature designed specifically to do so. Is the letter like that because of the current Recession, or am I? Something to think about...
Either way, if anyone's in need of some quick cash, I know a quite reputable source...